The older I get the more I realise that it is important to know what YOU want from life and to live life the way you want to and not let yourself be dictated by what others tell you.
I have always been a big people pleaser and often my main motivation to do well was because I feared failure and disappointing others.I wanted to get the best grades so other would not think I was lazy and stupid.Since taking a gap year and going to university I have had a slight change in mind-set.I have realised I want to do well not just to please others but also for myself.
When I first started recovery one of my main motivations was to get better so that my relationship with my parents was better and the arguments would stop.I kept telling myself I don’t deserve recovery or that I don’t really want it but I’m only doing it for others.I’m only recovering so my mum is not worrying and so I can be a nurse to help others. I think this sort of thinking stems from low self worth.But overtime I have realised that you cant only recover for others,you need to do it for YOU.So that you can live a fulfilling life.People come and go and in the end or at certain points in your life you may only have yourself to rely on.Therefore it is not selfish to prioritise your wellbeing.
Be your own decision maker.Stop listening to people who bring you down.There is a person in my life who I have compared myself to and always felt like I was stupid compared to them and a less successful person in many aspects. I feel like they bring me down sometimes.Today I stood up for myself and said “You don’t always have to bring me down,you live your life and I will live mine how I want”.It was hard to stand up for myself but sometimes you need to assert yourself and not let someone make you feel smaller or lesser.
Doing Nursing they have given comments such as “that is such a shit degree?” “Why don’t you do medicine?” .Maybe if I had gotten better grades I could have done medicine but maybe that is not the path meant for me.I don’t think this person realises how much it took to even get to university and how much it still takes to remain healthy at university.I don’t understand why this person does this?
I guess the best thing you can do is not let people get to you,keep doing what you need to do to achieve your goals and you will be successful.Everyone wants different things from life and just because someone thinks your goals are “small” or “pointless” does not mean they are.
I have set some goals for improving my running and will be starting a training plan with a coach.My goal at the moment is to run a sub 1hr 20 minute half marathon by May.This will be tough as my fitness is really quite bad at the moment.But I will stick to the plan,fuel my body and work towards it!Sure I will not ever be a Olympic runner but that doesn’t mean I cant improve! The ballot for the London marathon will be released this week and if I got in I would really love to run for Beat to raise money and awareness for sufferes of eating disorders.We shall see what will happen!
University has been good so far but I am really looking forward to going home on Thursday/Friday and then going to wales for the weekend with some friends!I feel like I just need a bit of familiarity back. I’ve loved London so far but it is a big change moving and settling into university.I have some anxieties over managing money,working,studying,exercising ,socialising,budgeting for food and activities but I am sure everything will work out.I have my doubts and anxieties but I’m hoping with time those will resolve.
But anyway the moral of this post is to do what’s best for you and not let negativity stop you!Let whoever think whatever,just keep getting better!
Hope everyone is well and loving life! 🙂