So today I saw my nurse who I have been meeting with for the past year for the last time and I am now discharged from the eating disorder services!
I have such mixed feelings!Part of me is proud and happy to have found my own recovery in such a short space of time.But I am also sad to be leaving.I will miss having a place to go to weekly where I can talk about any problems,joys,struggles etc without fear of being judged.I learnt to let down my guard,to open up to others,to the world,to the concept of recovery and being “good enough”.
When I first started treatment I did not completely believe I could get better,or did I think I deserved it.But bit by bit I have pieced together a life that is wonderful and worth living.Despite the highs and lows I am happier than I have been in years and I finally see a future worth living for.I still have some work to do but an eating disorder is no longer central to my life.
I saw the best Nurse and she really inspired me to try my best as a nurse to help others.I will miss seeing her a lot.I am awful at saying good bye as I get so attached to people.Im not good at moving on and the idea of not seeing someone ever again makes me sad.As cliche and cheesy as it may sound this year has been life changing and I am so grateful for the treatment I have received.I learnt crying is not a sign of weakness or failure and that it is ok to let your feelings show.I’ts ok to struggle and not be perfect as long as you do not give up.
I hate anorexia but recovering from it has taught me a lot about life and had I not had the eating disorder I may not have encountered certain people or situations.Recovering from this has made me into the women I am today.Determined to stay strong and healthy.I hope that in some way I can help or inspire others and show that it is possible to recover.
I am sad to be leaving treatment,sad to be leaving behind my eating disorder.But with every ending comes a new beggining.This is a fresh start.I can start university with a clean slate.
For those who feel hopeless,know that there is always a way out of this hell.You need to give it everything you have got and REALLY want to get better.You will struggle and it might get worse before it gets better.Revovery will be painful and hard but most of all it will be worth it.
FIND YOUR STRENGTH
A hopefull,happy human