Sorry for bombarding you all with blog posts but I am at the airport right now,hella bored and also a little bit anxious.I have just had dinner and almost a whole big bar of chocolate and felt kind of guilty and nervous about unhealthy eating and other thoughts.I like to write as it’s a distraction and gets things out of my head.It will also stop me pacing around the airport like a strange person haha.
I thought I would do a post about something which has been quite challenging for me in recovery and recently on holiday with friends and that is eating more than others or comparing yourself to them.
When in recovery if you need to gain weight then you need to eat more than those around you.This can also be true for you even when you are weightrestored your body may require more calories to maintain your weight than other people do.
I often still find myself feeling guilty or greedy for eating more than those around me or having a meal when a friend is skipping one.What is important is to keep your goals in mind and remeber you NEED food to function.
Everyone has different metabolisms and activity levels and therefore need different amounts of food.I have noticed that I am often a lot more active than my friend who I am on holiday with.For example I tend to stand and dance,jump,walk around a lot more whilst she tends to sit a lot more and therefore it is natural that one will require more energy than the other.
Particularly when spending a lot of time with friends such as when you are on holiday together it is important to still keep eating regularly even if they are not.You shouldn’t feel guilty for giving your body what it needs.Eating away from home in a foreign country can be hard as nothing is familiar,timings go out the window,you may eat more things like pizza and ice team and not have a vegetable in sight.Having a positive mindset helps.Remeber you are on holiday to make memories and not to stress over food and exercise and guilt.When you are going on holiday imagine leaving your eating disorder behind and going on holiday without it.How liberating would that be!?
I am actually a bit nervous to go home as I know I will be tempted to go on the weighing scales.But at the same time I just can’t be bothered anymore.That stupid number doesn’t define me.I am leaving for South America on Thursday for two months and will be travelling with a group of complete strangers.It may sound rude but I really hope there isn’t someone who is very thin or very conscious of what they eat as I’m scared it will lead to comparisons.I am a bit nervous as I have no idea what the food there will be like.It may seem like a stupid fear to some but after using food and weight as a way to cope with anxieties for years letting go of this control is still quite scary.
I can do this though!Its two months,I can stay healthy and on track for two months.I can travel with people I don’t know and it will be ok.It will be better than ok,it will be amazing!Trying to keep in mind that a lot of people are anxious before going travelling especially if it’s the first time they are going away for a long time.Some anxiety is normal.
I am super excited and I feel like this is such an awesome opportunity to see the world.I just don’t want to let myself or others down when I am away.
To anyone debating travel I would say as long as you are physically and mentally in a good place to screw your comfort zone and get out there and do it.The best way to get over fears is to face them.Going away with friends has helped me to get off the recovery platteu that I have felt stuck on for some time and to challenge thoughts and behaviours.