When I started recovery from an eating disorder again in September I really wanted a tattoo to remind myself to never give up and stick with recovery.I decided to wait until I had reached a healthy weight and felt pretty much recovered before I got one though as I felt that would make it most meaningful for me.
The first tattoo I got was the Neda symbol on my wrist with a semi colon in the middle.
The two lines are meant to symbolise a combination of strength and recovery.The smaller line may be seen as the eating disorder and the larger one as the courage to overcome the eating disorder.I chose to have a semi colon in the middle as I think a key aspect of recovery is deciding to keep going when instead you could give up and stop.Sometimes I have thoughts that I shouldn’t have gotten it as my head tells me I wasn’t that sick or that bad to have struggled with an ED but those thoughts are silly so I push them away!The tattoo has helped me to stay off the scales and to not purge.When I look at it,it reminds me of the commitment I made to recovery.
I got a second tattoo a week ago which is a lotus flower on my back.The lotus flower grows in muddy water and it is the environment which gives the flower its meaning,rising and blooming above the dirt to reach enlightenment.This reminds me to always rise above my circumstances.It also reminds me that my past experiences have shaped me into who I am today.
The second meaning of the lotus flower is purification and I see this as getting rid of the eating disorder.
The third meaning is faithfulness.During recovery you need to often trust and have faith in the judgement of others above your own.You need to have faith that you can and will recover.You need to have faith in your strength and ability to overcome.
The most important meaning of the lotus flower to me is rebirth.That can be a change of ideas,an acceptance where there once was none,the dawn after ones darkest day.I see it as a rebirth in a stronger person who doesn’t need the eating disorder any longer.
I know that tattoos are not everyone’s cup of tea!My mum hates the one on my arm and I haven’t told her about the lotus flower one yet…I just think it’s a personal choice.Its your body and you should be able to do what you like.I do not think I will regret getting these tattoos.I will say though that they are hella painful to get done!!!The lotus flower one took about 2.5 hrs and I thought I was going to pass out at some points hahaha.
Travelling Norway the past week has just meant going with the flow and just eating whatever whenever.I have had pizza about five times,waffles,ice cream,McDonald’s it’s not how I would choose to eat at home everyday and it may not be the healthiest way to eat in the long run but in the short term it’s more important to get in enough calories and maintain my weight.Its more important to enjoy the experience than to stress about what is healthy or unhealthy I think.I would have not been able to manage this as year ago and so for that I am happy!