Find your strength,fight for peace

Yesterday I went to yoga for the first time in a long time and I absolutely love it.I felt so connected and grounded in the class. It was based on a full moon sequence. I learnt that the full moon is a time to release what no longer serves us and this provides room to set new goals and intentions. I feel like this is very relevant to where I am in life right now. I am leaving the eating disorder behind, leaving my job, going travelling and then to university.One chapter in life is coming to an end but a new one is just beginning.

I recently had a blog post I wrote about identity published on beatingeatingdisorders.com. An ED therapist commented saying that one of the best parts of her job is when clients find the courage the let go of the eating disorder and blossom into “themselves” It can be terrifying to let go of the eating disorder as it can feel like there is a huge empty hole left and you don’t know what to fill it with. It can be exciting however to see what takes over the space no longer filled by the eating disorder. I think it is important to find meaningful things in life to fill this space and allow yourself to grow as a person beyond the eating disorder identity or you may feel empty and unfulfilled. You have to put “life” back into your life. I feel as though I have no room for the eating disorder at the moment. There is too much excitement,hope,acceptance in me.

I still struggle with thoughts of unworthiness, self hate e.t.c but I choose to observe these feelings rather than to act on them and be destructive. I channel what I feel into art and dancing. I have been doing a lot of art recently. Sometimes I find a particular song which leads me to be inspired and I have it on replay the whole time while I create a piece of art. Last night I had “The answer” by Joss stone on replay. I love the lyrics; “find your strength, fight for peace, there’s a light in your release. Let love win, just give in.The next is bright, so you can find the answer.”

“The lotus flower is a symbol of fortune in Buddhism. It grows in muddy water and it is it’s environment that gives the flower it’s meaning, rising and blooming above the murk to achieve enlightenment. The lotus flower represents rebirth. The rebirth can be a change of ideas, an acceptance where there once was none, the dawn after ones darkest day, a renaissance of beliefs or the ability to see past wrongs”

I have my last shift at work today which makes me a bit sad and also anxious as it will be a change. I also feel some guilt over not working for three months and going aboard.Trying to rationalise these thoughts, I have earned the money and worked full time and sometimes double this whilst recovering so maybe it is ok to now chill out a bit before university,explore the world and broaden my horizons! Lots of people go travelling on a gap year so its ok! Just need to be brave and have courage that I can do this!Time to live life!

I am feeling a bit anxious about leaving work so started the day today with yoga, coffee and a bacon roll and I am now feeling positive and motivated!Hope everyone has a fab weekend!!!

Much love,

ULA 🙂