A burnout can be defined as a state of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion. When you are burned out you may feel overwhelmed, everyday tasks feel impossible, you may be unmotivated and feel unable to meet the demands of school or work.Certain personality traits can contribute to burnout such a perfectionistic tendencies, having a negative view of yourself, low self-esteem, feeling the need to be in control e.t.c These personalities traits often go hand in hand with eating disorders.
Most of us experience a day or two where we feel unmotivated to get out of bed, tired or overworked, however if you are feeling like this all day, everyday you may be burnt out. If you do not address symptoms of burnout they may get worse as time goes on.
This week I have felt completely zapped of energy, I feel like nothing I do is enough and my mind just feels foggy. At work I feel spaced out like I cannot concentrate. Just completely defeated and unmotivated. Little thing just seem to have me on the verge of tears. I try to snap out of it and tell myself to hold it together and stop being so pathetic. I feel like the chaotic and pressured environment of work has just taken it out of me mentally and walking and running on top have taken it out of me physically.I have a half marathon in less than two weeks so decided to go on a 10 mile run today, however I only managed 6km.I just cant seem to run.My mind gives up so soon and I just don’t see the point in continuing.All the time I see on social media people who work a full time job,have kids and train for a marathon! How do hey do it??I worked 52 hrs this week and only had my dog to look after and am just knackered. Yet for my head it never feels enough. If I make an awful waitress how on earth will I ever make a good nurse and be responsible for peoples lives? I must be kidding myself.I am just so scared at the moment that I now don’t have an ED and cant function without it and I wont be capable.
I feel like its too much sometimes to fight against the eating disorder.Like it would be easier to give in and yet I am doing quite the opposite and fighting back which to be honest at the moment is making me feel even worse and more hopeless.I feel sometimes like being underweight and sick looking can feel like validation for not being able to do as well in life.Kind of like a protection from failiure.You can sort of just fade. but when a healthy weight I put so much pressure on myself to do well and manage everything and be more.I no longer have my eating disorder to hide behind and need to find ways to get through life without it.
I have decided to just have a break today as I have a day off work. A mental and physical break. Running can wait for another day.Sometimes it helps to switch off your phone and just chill out, see a friend, do something creative e.t.c You may feel guilty but the guilt will pass eventually and your body will thank you for it.It is not selfish, but rather normal.
I hope this doesn’t come across as ungrateful or selfish or whatever. I love life and the people I have in it and in real life I always try to be happy and positive but at the moment it all just feels a bit hopeless and out of reach.
I will probably write a post at some point about managing an Eating disorder/low moods/anxiety and work at some point which will probably be more helpful.
Hope everyone has a wonderful week 🙂