When you compare where you are at the moment in life to where you want to be in the future the space between the two can be quite big. The space can be discouraging and terrifying. The space may be filled with fears and self doubt.So how do we make the space between where we are and where we want to be inspiring rather than terrifying?
This Sunday I ran a 5k race and it was very disappointing. What disappointed me was not even my time or the fact that I didn’t place it was that I gave up way too easily. That I stopped halfway because I was focussed on negatives rather than positives. Rather than fighting to run faster I was discouraged and finished in 23 minutes.I have slowed down a lot the past few months.As soon as the race finished I was quick to blame my slow time on being a healthy weight. I couldn’t shake off the thoughts that I was a far better runner when I was underweight. In reality I know that weight gain doesn’t stop me from running fast, the three women who beat me all looked like they were at a healthy weight.
I think sometimes its easier to give up and not try rather than to try and fail. I am scared to start training because I’m worried ill still fail and still be slow. I have decided to challenge the negative and eating disorder thoughts and stay a healthy weight. I will prove to myself that I can still be a good runner at a healthy weight. Its not the extra kilograms that are slowing me down Its the negative thinking and lack of self belief.
Let the space between where you are and where you want to be light up a fire within you.Rather than seeing as the journey as long and impossible have the belief that you CAN get there.Think about other times in life where something has felt hard to reach or overcome but you have managed it.Hold on to that self belief and let it carry you through.
Remember that you can love yourself at all parts of your journey and life and recovery is more a process rather than a final destination. You cant hate yourself into a “better ” version of yourself. Rather than trying to become a different version of yourself focus on your positives and focus on building yourself up. Think self creation rather than self destruction.
One way to work on self esteem is that every time you have a negative limiting thought you can challenge it with a positive enabling thought. For example:
NEGATIVE LIMITING THOUGHT:I am worthless and a failure who makes so many mistakes.
POSITIVE ENABLING THOUGHT: I am not a failiure,I persevere and learn from my mistakes. My worth is based on many things and not being “perfect”.
I think during eating disorder recovery once you are weight restored and your eating and physical health is stable recovery becomes much more about breaking mental barriers that may keep parts of the eating disorder alive. Its changing your thinking and realising your self worth lies beyond the illness. Its gaining self esteem and confidence so when you are presented with conflict in life or challenging situations you have the self belief to get through without going back to negative coping mechanisms. This is something which may take time and at times you may feel discouraged.