Apparently a mistake can be defined as an act or judgement determined as misguided or wrong.
I’m kind of wondering though how many times you can make a mistake before its no longer counted as one and rather it’s a poor choice.Where do you draw the line?
but are mistakes actually choices?Or do we not always have control over them?
Like when you first develop an eating disorder you may not completely understand or be able to come to terms with what is happening.But then if you relapse surely you know what you are doing so then is it still a mistake or just a poor choice?When I relapsed I felt a lot more guilt as I full well knew what I was doing was wrong but at the same time I didn’t feel like it was a choice .Purging was addictive.So is an eating disorder a mistake,choice,addiction or none of those?
See when it comes to purging I find it addictive in a way restriction never was for me.I understand sometimes it’s used to manage emotions,stress,situations, people but what if sometimes there’s no reason to binge or purge other than craving it to the point where you crack.Like imagine you really really need to pee?How long could you hold it in for?
I know people say an eating disorder isn’t a choice but recovery is.But what if you choose recovery and desperately want to be healthy but the binge/purge seems impossible to give up?For long enough at least.
So then is it a poor choice over and over again or a mistake?
I don’t think an eating disorder is a choice or a mistake because it fucks everything up.If it was a mistake we could all learn from it and move on.If it was a choice I doubt that many people would put themselves,family and friends through such hell.
HOWEVER I find it helpfull to take ownership of slip ups as then it gives me the power to do things differently the next time rather than just making excuses.I think there is a difference between being hard on yourself and recognising where you went wrong and what you can do better next time.It’s not about beating yourself up as that is a waste of time and energy but at the same time not making excuses and letting one binge/purge become a whole day.Or one meal skipped turning into a day of restriction.
I am also wondering what separates the people who fully recover from those who don’t or go back and forth between recovery and ED.Ofcourse there are many factors .Are they better at learning from their mistakes,or just don’t make so many poor choices?Early treatment?Better relapse prevention?Are they more determined,have stronger will power?Are they just more accepting of themselves?Do they want recovery more?Are they just luckier or is it that the fight harder?Do they not let their mistakes slip into becomming choices?Is it just chance?I don’t know.