I started writing this post yesterday at like 12 in the night but then didn’t finish it and it actually made me laugh because that’s probably what will happen to any new years resolutions I make. But that’s ok because to be honest I don’t take it that seriously.
With the new year approaching, the new year new me brigade is also approaching. People may set out lots of resolutions for themselves, many of these being health and fitness related such as going to the gym x times a week, losing X kg etc. If you struggle with an eating disorder it may be hard to see people talking about diets and fitness and knowing that you cannot go on a diet or fitness regime as it could cause you to spiral into a relapse.
I think the key thing to remember is that goals are PERSONAL. Your goal will not be the same as another persons and that is absolutely ok.For someone it may be healthy to lose 10kg if they are overweight but that goal is not applicable to everyone. You need to focus on yourself and your own health and not somebody else’s.
Comparison is something I have struggled with in the past. In 2015 when I was trying to gain weight and then maintain a family member was doing quite the opposite. They lost a large amount of weight in a short space of time, Exercised daily, mentioned how many calories they burned and other things which were unhelpful to me.I think what hurt me the most is that they knew how hard it was for me to gain the weight and that saying stuff like “this is too many calories. Or too unhealthy” at dinner time hurt me.For a long time I held a lot of resentment towards this person and distanced myself from them. What I am coming to accept now is that I shouldn’t be angry at someone or jealous over things like that and I shouldn’t let it get in the way of relationships. I was worried the family member had taken it too far and would end up with an ED.Fast forward to one year later and they have bulked up, once again eat cake, chocolate and now have a more balanced life. I no longer worry like I did before.
Social media can also cause comparison as people like to post their goals and achievements. Again the important thing is to realise that Its ok for them to be proud of their achievements and you don’t need to compare yourselves to them. Everyone is at different points in their journeys in life and I think we need to build people up and not tear them down If someone wants to do the whole “new year, new me thing” then fair enough!
I think the holiday season for me has always been a time when ED thoughts intensify and in the past I have had lapses into ED behaviours during the holidays. What is important is to not beat yourself up about this but to acknowledge it and make changes. Make changes before it gets worse. The sooner you pick yourself up the better.
Remember you can make changes at anytime of the year you do not have to wait until it is the 1st January to start. However I also understand that a new year can feel like a completely fresh start and I think it is ok for people to set new years resolutions.Theres no point telling people “oh you wont stick to that” ,”why bother trying? ” Thats a really pessimistic approach.Sure its important to be realistic when setting goals but I think its ok to dream big.Let everyone do what is best for them.Some people do actually stick to their resoltions and become a better version of themselves.Some people like to put goals in place, some people don’t, both approaches are OK.Personally for me whenever I set resolutions I don’t stick to them and sometimes setting goals can set you up for failure as you may be too hard on yourself if you don’t reach them.For example I set myself the goal of getting A* A A in a levels and didn’t reach it.I got B in chemistry and It still pisses me off a bit. The perfectionistic side of my brain tells me its not good enough.The problem with this is that you never feel good enough and you can overlook the fact that just because you haven’t met a goal doesn’t mean you have not done well and have not made progress.
I think there is nothing wrong with self improvement but please remember you can love yourself and be proud at all parts of your journey. If you want to set goals, go ahead. If you know goal setting can lead to you pushing yourself too hard and self deprecation when you don’t meet a goal maybe its not the best idea.Its a personal thing and that’s what is important to keep in mind.You do you.
I am not sure if I am setting goals/resolutions for 2017,I think that’s for another post. I am not someone who sticks to those sorts of things to be honest.I am feeling quite optimistic about 2017 though and I hope I can hold onto this.My goal at the moment is to continue to take a more chilled approach to everything, yelling “plot twist” when something goes wrong instead of overthinking it.Life is not planned but that is exactly what makes it exciting.
“THE REASON PEOPLE STRUGGLE TO BE HAPPY IS BECAUSE THEY SEE THE PAST BETTER THAN IT WAS,THE PRESENT WORSE THAN IT IS AND THE FUTURE LESS RESOLVED THAN IT WILL BE”