The holidays so far!

Since Thursday I have been off work and I am only going back on Monday. Having four days off in a row did make me a bit nervous as I like to be distracted and busy.However a lot of my friends were back from uni so It was good to catch up and socialise.Being on a gap year can feel quite lonely at times. I’ts so good to see friends and feel like a normal 18 year old!

I met up with one of my favourite humans and we took my dog candy on a walk.It’s safe to say my abs were sore from laughing the next day. (I don’t actually have abs though).This friend is one of those people who when you are with everything is funny and you can talk and gossip for ages.

On Thursday I met up with a friend who is like a older sister to me and went to Starbucks as per tradition. Then I went alcohol shopping as I was hosting pre drinks that evening in my kitchen.Its safe to say I got a few looks in the que as I am only 157cm and look fairly young apparently.

We started predrinking at around 8:30pm ,by 9:30pm I was drunk and accepted the challenge of unzipping someones fly with my teeth (Just blame it on the alcohol!)After some dancing,drinking games, heart to heart conversations in the toilet and interesting snap chats we were ready to hit the club.

Today was Christmas eve and because we are polish we usually celebrate in the evening on Christmas eve. Throughout the day we (me and my mum) cook lots of traditional polish foods like barszcz,uszka,krokiety (I will do a post on polish Christmas traditions!)We both hate cooking though!I was a bit anxious for this evening but it all went better than I had expected and was eating disorder free I would say! I could enjoy all the food even though it wasn’t exactly “healthy” and spending time with my parents was so nice. I am feeling incredibly grateful and lucky.

Me and my mamma

Sometime I do still struggle and the eating disorder voices creep in but I have learnt so much over the past months and I don’t let them control me like they did In August. The weight gain is hard to accept but I cannot even put into words how much it is worth it.Even though at times I say I regret recovery I really don’t as I know its worth it in the long run.

I know that Christmas is a hard time for people who have eating disorders or depression.

Remember though that the dinner table should not be a battle ground. You deserve food as much as anyone else. Its ok to eat more than usual. Its ok to be out of routine. Its ok to go out of your comfort zone. Sometimes you have to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Nothing will change if you do not try.
Wishing everyone a nice, chilled Christmas!
Here’s to the future!

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