What do you love? What are your passions? What gets you out of bed in the morning? What are your hopes and dreams?
“Don’t worry about what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~Howard Thurman
Something which someone recently told me when they found out I struggled with an ED was “Ula, I hope if recovery from this illness teaches you one thing is that life is for living”
They could not be more right.Seeing friends embark on their university journeys has really encouraged me to get my shit together. In August I felt like I was treading water, waiting to know what to do and how to get back control of my life. I have become more aware of how letting life pass you by can lead to a lot of regrets and “what ifs?”
Recovery doesn’t necessarily mean returning to the person you were before the eating disorder because you never will be the same person-but that is not a bad thing. You will have grown and matured and changed. Its so important to realise you have an identity outside of your illness which you can find again.
PASSION AND DIRECTION
Feeling like you have lost purpose and direction can be disheartening but you CAN get it back. Even making small changes makes a difference in the long run.
Find what makes you want to get out of bed in the morning. For me a lot of the time it is work or doing something like running or looking after my dog. It doesn’t have to be something monumental but think about what makes you happy and then do more of it.
One of the reasons I want to do nursing is because I want to make a difference to people. Yes it sounds cliché but its true. I love listening to peoples problems and seeing them smile and their face relax as they tell you their fears or worries. I believe it can be my passion in life. I don’t care about making a lot of money or being remembered. Being on a gap year has left me feeling a bit stuck and passionless but it’s not forever.
We all have the power to change out stories. It doesn’t matter if you have felt stuck for a week or for years, it does not mean you have to be like this forever. If you tell yourself “I will never be good enough, never be able to do x and Y,I don’t deserve to be happy” then it becomes your reality.Challenge the voices in your head, make them like you instead.
Have fun! Do something spontaneous, go out, get pissed if that’s what you want to do! Or do yoga and drink green smoothies or have a Netflix binge on your own, order pizza with friends, spend some money without the guilt. I cannot wait for friends to be back from uni for the holidays to socialise and party. Spending time on your own is ok and I am a bit of an introvert but its also good to share time with others.
FEEL THE FEAR BUT DO IT ANYWAY
Its so easy to make excuse for not doing things just because you are scared or worry about not being in perfect control of everything. Excuses can be used as masks for fear. We all have fears but we can choose to let fear rule us or we can push past it.Recognise the fear and how it holds you back and then take steps to overcome it.Really random example but to overcome my vomit fear as a child I watched videos on YouTube and medical shows so I wouldn’t feel as scared to face it in the real world and could go on planes and buses with less anxiety.
What inspired this post was the song “what do you love?” by Seeb,jacob Banks. I wish I could get payed to make playlists on Spotify haha,love finding new songs!
“Come out of the dark and join the light
Whatever your fear is, you can be alright
But tell me, what do you love?”