“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” ~Josh Billings
Reflecting back on this weeks food/thought diaries I have realised that I said no on a few occasions to things that would not be helpful to me.I realised how empowering it feels to be certain in yourself and be able to decline things which make you unhappy.
Sometimes I feel immense pressure to do all kinds of things I don’t want to do. I think about what I am expected to do or what people want me to do.Saying yes to things you’d rather say no to can make you feel anxious,restricted,conflicted,sad, e.t.c
A common theme amongst people with ED’s is low self esteem/self worth.You may feel like how you feel doesn’t matter as long as you are doing what makes others happy.You may feel like you don’t deserve to say no.Or are not worthy of making the decision to say no.
I guess I am quite a people pleaser. I want to do what makes people happy.I do believe it is necessary to put others before yourself but you shouldn’t sacrifice your health or happiness. Putting yourself first at times doesn’t make you a bad person.Infact it can let people know you respect yourself enough to do what is right for you and that can make them value you and your opinions more.
It’s OK to say no without a detailed excuse even if you feel like you should offer one. “This doesn’t feel right for me right now” is a perfectly valid and ok.Sometimes I have spent hours explaining myself to someone only for them to completely disregard what I said.Realise you have the right to say no to people who pressure you into something you don’t want.If you have tried to explain to them how you feel and they wont listen or refuse to accept your decision it is they who are in the wrong not you.If the person tries to guilt trip you or blackmail you then that’s just plain unfair.Dont make excuses for their behaviour. Saying no can actually be better than saying yes to someone and then feeling trapped, unhappy and like you are not being honest with them or yourself.
Saying No to people can leave you feeling guilty or bad. If the person tells you your decision has made them sad or hurt that can be painful to hear. The truth is you are not responsible for their happiness.There’s no point saying yes to someone and faking being content and happy.No one should put pressure on you to make them happy.
This week I have also said no to the eating disorder. I stopped a binge on two occasions which is a success and I am not ashamed to say I feel a bit proud!The reality is at any point you have the right to say “NO!” and take control away from the eating disorder.Even if you have started to binge,even if you have eaten 2000 calories already you still have the power to stop and say no to the eating disorder.It may sound crazy but I used to say in my head (or out loud)”this is not what Ula wants,this is what bulimia/anorexia wants” That also brings your awareness to what you are doing.It may help to wear a bracelet or ribbon on your wrist that reminds you that you have the ability to say no.Or you can put a post it note on your wall.
The same goes for the urge to restrict.If your head tells you to skip dinner its ok to say no!Even if you binged earlier that day its still ok to say No to restriction and go make dinner.
Its also ok to say no to opportunities you feel you should take.Saying no to going to university this year was such a hard decision but it was the right one for me at the time!I felt like I should go as many people would love the opportunity I have and I felt guilt for not taking up the uni place this year.
No matter how amazing an opportunity may seem to someone else if it doesn’t make you excited or happy you don’t have to take it.In the end happiness is important and not doing what society or friends/family think you should do. Also life is full of oppurtunities!If you miss one or cant take it at that time it doesn’t mean another opportunity wont present itself in the future-Infact it may be even better!
Yah so basically to wrap up this post remember its fine to say no AND not to feel guilty about it!!Know your self worth! Be confident in your decisions and stand your ground! Let go of shit that weighs you down! PEACE OUT.
Disclaimer:Of course its not always appropriate to say no.E.g if you have an assignment to do for uni you cant just be like “nah thanks”.