I experienced this before when I was doing physically better and my eating was good,inside I felt worse then before.Just really sad.Waking up sad.Going to sleep sad.Atleast I was at school and had friends there.
Lately I just don’t see the point in anything.And I am also aware this probably comes off as ungrateful as I have no valid reason to feel this way.
I don’t even bother hide it.I used to try harder to hide it and act happy.
I’m literally so sorry for everything and even for how I am now. I could apologise a 1000 times and it still probably wouldn’t make much difference as actions speak louder than words as im shit at following through with what I say.Im not even trying to snap out of feeling like this anymore.
I know I have said it a billion times before but it is so frustrating when people over simplify the ED to wanting to be thin.
I don’t miss being thin.What I miss is not feeling this sad.I mean sure when underweight I cant say I felt overly happy.But i’d rather feel nothing than this.And that’s what it was like,I felt nothing.I hardly ever cried and now I have no control.
The nights get longer and days get shorter.
Binge purge,binge repeat.
So “tick tock” Goes the clock
Get off to work.
Slap a smile on your face!
Eat everything’s that’s on your plate.
What’s important is…
“You look better”
When really you are just stumbling,
Everything you held onto is crumbling.
I can feel myself
Back into the darkness.
I don’t even bother hide it.
Could I not be transparent enough?
Like I said I know I’ve got no valid reasons.