Does the sadness ever fade?

NOT positive

I experienced this before when I was doing physically better and my eating was good,inside I felt worse then before.Just really sad.Waking up sad.Going to sleep sad.Atleast I was at school and had friends there.

Lately I just don’t see the point in anything.And I am also aware this probably comes off as ungrateful as I have no valid reason to feel this way.

I don’t even bother hide it.I used to try harder to hide it and act happy.

I’m literally so sorry for everything and even for how I am now. I could apologise a 1000 times and it still probably wouldn’t make much difference as actions speak louder than words as im shit at following through with what I say.Im not even trying to snap out of feeling like this anymore.

I know I have said it a billion times before but it is so frustrating when people over simplify the ED to wanting to be thin.

I don’t miss being thin.What I miss is not feeling this sad.I mean sure when underweight I cant say I felt overly happy.But i’d rather feel nothing than this.And that’s what it was like,I felt nothing.I hardly ever cried and now I have no control.

 

The nights get longer and days get shorter.

Binge purge,binge repeat.

Guilt,shame,guilt,blame.

So “tick tock” Goes the clock

Get off to work.

But first;

Slap a smile on your face!

Eat everything’s that’s on your plate.

What’s important is…

“You look better”

When really you are just stumbling,

Everything you held onto is crumbling.

I can feel myself

Tumbling

Back into the darkness.

I don’t even bother hide it.

I’m sorry.

Could I not be transparent enough?

 

Like I said I know I’ve got no valid reasons.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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