Do you ever feel like you are turning off the future for a while?It is like you sort of stand still and cannot move forward. Missing out on things that are part of the “real” or “Adult world” may be a relief as you may fear them but I ask myself do I want to be stuck like this forever?
This will sound kind of weird but I felt more like an Adult 8-9 months ago than now.Infact July-August has passed in a kind of blur.
I think I kind of thought as long as I am working,revising e.t.c the rest will just sort itself out.But nope if you want something then you have to work for it.Just like you need to revise to get an A (Well for most people anyway) you need to put effort into recovery to recover.Trying to keep that in mind everyday.
Facing fears of the future is scary but surely it is better than never having lived fully, never taking risks, never knowing what could have been if you had just taken the plunge.
I am wondering sometimes if I am making the wrong choice by not going to university. What if I am actually well enough and just using the ED as an excuse? But at the same time I envy my friends for going to uni so surely not?Maybe it would have been better to go.I think if it was a different course than Nursing possibly going to uni would be ok.But as a nursing student you are not only responsible for yourself at uni but for patients when you are on placement.
part of this all is learning acceptance and to stop blaming yourself.Accept that you cant change what has happened but embrace the opportunity you have to change what will happen.Of course you cannot control the future completely but you can shape it to some degree.Accept the responsibility that you need to take control of your recovery and your life.
I am in two minds over whether an ED is a choice. Different people say different things. But I guess even if an ED is not a choice recovery is.A hard choice but you cannot put it off forever or you will miss out on so much. Why miss out on all the “normal things”friends are doing.For what exactly?
I just wish I made wiser choices.But hey, onwards and upwards from now.